


Nina's first Saba

by Corinne K (Corinne_K)



Category: Free!
Genre: Blue prompt: reality, Day 4, M/M, Red prompt: dreams, Rin and Haru as daddies, RinHaru Week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-23 22:10:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17088662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corinne_K/pseuds/Corinne%20K
Summary: One is never too young to try the best food in the world... or so Haru thinks.A little self indulgent reflection on parenthood, roles and fears, prompted by the dichotomy reality/dreams. Written for day 4 of RinHaru Week 2018.





	Nina's first Saba

**Author's Note:**

> In case you follow the dubbed version, saba means mackerel in Japanese ;)  
> (I dunno, it just sounds better)

“A-aaah...”

The sound of a door clicking open distracts father and daughter from the task of shovelling food into the latter’s mouth, while they seat face to face in a bright living room overlooking the ocean.

“Haru? What are you doing?”

Haruka’s hand stops mid air, but he smiles at the unexpected sight of his husband.

“Feeding the baby,” he replies.

Nina looks puzzled by the pause, but welcomes her other father with a string of happy babbles.

“Is that what I think it is??”

Rin points at the plate sitting next to Haruka’s elbow on the dining table.

“It's _saba_. Why?”

Baby Nina flaps her legs up and down and opens her mouth, chin pointing up. Rin is still gaping at the plate when Haruka feeds another morsel of fish to the baby.

“Isn’t she too young for... _that_?”

Haruka explains that Nina is ten month’s old, has been on solids since six, has tried several vegetables and fruits, rice porridge, overcooked pasta, chicken, beef, egg yolk, salmon and cod.

“B-but... It’s too fishy!”

Haruka ignores his husband’s protests and holds the pair of blunt chopsticks to the girl’s mouth once more. She happily snatches the piece of fish between her small lips and munches with her mouth open in a wide grin.

“Ah!” comes the satisfied sound. Haruka stares at Rin, face smug.

“She loves it.” Rin admits, in defeat.

“Of course, it’s _saba_. What are you doing here anyway?”

“The pool has a pumping issue, we were all sent home.”

“Good, then you can feed her.”

Haruka stands up and holds the chopsticks in Rin’s direction. Rin takes a step back.

“Wait, Haru, I better not…”

Nina emits a high pitched shriek, her mouth already empty.

“Ok, ok,” Haruka pats the baby’s head, “daddy Rin will feed you...”

Haruka tries once more to hand Rin the chopsticks, but Rin keeps stepping back. The chopsticks drop to the floor. Nina cries.

“Rin, come on...” Haruka pleads.

Rin shakes his head.

“I-I can’t...”

 

* * *

 

_“I can’t do it. This was a mistake. I suck at this. I can’t… I’m a bad parent...”_

_Tears drop from Rin’s eyes in a fury. The words come out intercut by sobs. Nina cries in tandem with her father. Haruka feels a rush of panic rising as he stands in the doorway with a cluster of bags hanging off his choked fingers. He was only out for a short period of time and everything was fairly calm when he left, so he took his time browsing the baby apparel section, and then choosing fresh produce for the week, and then the check out queue was too long, and he lost his way twice trying to return home because he’s not familiar with the neighbourhood yet..._

_He steps over the threshold and turns the light on. There’s a puddle of spilled milk on the floor and some paper tissues haphazardly thrown on top. Somewhere inside the room a mobile emits the most irritating lullaby tune. Rin sits on his heels in the corner of the room, rocking Nina to no avail._

_“She puked all her milk,” he sobs. “I wanted to make her another one, but if I put her down she screams like she’s going to die... I can’t do it...”_

_Haruka springs into action. He’s not entirely sure what he should do, but he always had a talent for putting on a strong front. It had worked with Makoto for many years. It would also have to work with Rin._

_“Calm down. Pass her over. Go splash water on your face.” He barks the orders in succession, while putting down the bags, kicking his shoes and holding his arms out to receive the crying bundle._

_Rin reluctantly obeys and waddles to the bathroom. The change of arms makes Nina calm down a bit. The swaddle smells faintly of sour milk and she starts to root for an imaginary breast the moment Haruka holds her. Rin’s assessment is correct - she is hungry. Rin comes out of the bathroom looking a little more composed, so Haruka thinks he can be of help now._

_“Prepare a bottle, then take a rest.”_

_When Rin passes him the milk, he sits on the sofa and puts the bottle to the girl’s mouth. Finally, there is silence._

_So peaceful, so warm._

_There it is, their dream._

_Rin collapses out of exhaustion and lays his head next to Haruka’s leg. It is difficult, at a time like this, to recall the flutters of excitement they both felt when they filed the papers for adoption. The lawyer had told them it would take a long time, if it were to happen at all, so it was a complete surprise when, only a couple of months later, they got a call about a baby abandoned on a pile of trash. It didn’t take them a second to say yes._

_It turns out, however, that they were terribly unprepared. They were still newly wed and in the process of adapting to a life together. Haruka had never been in Sydney longer than a few weeks. Miyako couldn’t immediately take time off from work and Gou had just moved abroad to work. They were left to figure things out on their own._

_“It says the best way to soothe a baby is to breastfeed her...” Rin mutters, a few minutes later. Nina has finished her bottle and started sleeping on Haruka’s lap. Only then does Haruka notice Rin's phone screen is lit and Rin's finger is frantically scrolling search results._

_“It says if you give the bottle you are being selfish and shouldn’t be a parent. Haru, are we selfish?”_

_Haruka considers shushing him. Does he really think it’s a good idea to wake up Nina again with that nonsense talk?_

_“If only I had boobs...”_

_Haruka’s coin drops._

_“Rin, if you had boobs you’d probably be a woman.”_

_“Yeah, that would make everything easier for us…”_

_Rin starts crying again. Haruka fights a growing irritation. Slowly, so as not to shift too much, he wiggles his hand under Rin’s head and starts a soft massage. Rin nuzzles into the touch._

_“You are Rin Matsuoka. You have a girly name but you are a boy. And I love you the way you are.”_

_“Even without boobs?”_

_“Even without boobs.”_

 

* * *

 

Nina holds her arms out and shrieks louder.

“See? She wants you to feed her.”

“But...”

“Give me your hand...”

“What if she pukes? What if I make her sick? What if she doesn't stop crying?”

“Rin, that was months ago. Her tummy was immature. She’s fine now.”

Haruka exemplifies by offering another morsel of fish, which is gladly taken and makes the shrieking come to a halt.

Rin takes a deep breath, then takes the seat offered by Haruka, facing Nina in her high chair. He grabs the chopsticks and lets Haruka wrap a hand around his.

“You peel back the skin like this, then you pluck out a bit, make sure there are no bones, mash it a bit... and there you go.”

Nina eats the serving daddy Rin offers her and flails her arms for more. She eventually downs half a fillet, the steamed broccoli and three mushy rice balls. After lunch they move to her nursery to play together, while a cacophony of songs pours out of multiple colourful toys.

“And… here I co-ooome!”

Rin tackles Nina in a tickle attack that makes her squirm like a fish out of water. Haruka quietly walks away from the pile of giggles and starts to pick up scraps of food from the floor. He dumps them and then mops the area around the dining table, which always gets dirty during feeding times. When he looks back through the nursery door, he finds Nina draped over Rin’s stomach, resting her head on his hip, fast asleep. Rin cracks an eye open to acknowledge him, grins and closes it again. Haruka nudges the door half closed and goes back to the kitchen to finish cleaning up.

For some reason, his mind drifts to memories of glistening swimming pools. He thinks longingly of the feeling of breaching water with his whole body, of cutting through the comforting liquid at high speed. It’s been months since he last swam. They went to an outdoor pool with Nina when the weather was hot, but it was not the same. He’s only 33… he could still goback, couldn’t he? He shakes his head, momentarily shoving the thought away, and goes back to scrubbing plates.

 

* * *

 

_“I want to have three...” Rin says, tired and content, as they watch the sun go down over Tokyo bay._

_“Three what?” He must be the densest person in the universe because the exasperation appears on Rin’s face in less than a second, but he has no clue what his boyfriend is talking about._

_Boyfriend. It’s still so fresh that just the word still makes him smile._

_“Three kids, Haru. What else?”_

_Haruka wonders if this is where he laughs and bumps Rin’s shoulder, but there’s no mirth in the other boy’s face, only a sort of starry-eyed longing that he doesn’t know how to handle._

_“Just picture it: three little brats running around while you cook lunch and I tend to the garden. We eat all together around a big table. Then, while the kids have their nap we make love in our room, and in the afternoon we all hit the beach...”_

_Haruka thinks that the adrenaline of participating in the All Japan Invitational might be giving Rin hallucinations._

_“You think I’m crazy.”_

_Haruka almost misses the words. His eye caught the glint of the gold medal inside his unzipped duffel bag. He picks it up and holds it towards the setting sun. Sometimes, impossibles are more possible than one might think._

_“No, not crazy, free.”_

 

* * *

 

_Haru and his randomness._ Rin remembers that line as he comes back from a shallow sleep. He’s lying flat on the floor of his daughters room, colourful foam tiles patterned around him. By some magic, Nina is now sleeping safely in her cot. He stands in silence, trying not to stir the air around him, and goes in search of Haruka.

He finds him sitting on the porch, overlooking the tiny patch of grass where they had planned to build a garden: some rocks and a water feature, green shrubs and all the flowers they could grow. But those plans had long hit the back burner.

Haruka takes a glance at the small screen on the baby monitor, then finally notices his husband standing beside him. He looks up, a pained and pleading expression tarnishing the elegant lines of his face.

“Rin... I want to go back to swimming.”

It takes him a bit by surprise, though it shouldn’t, really. It had been Haruka’s decision, six months ago, not to go back to training. They had given themselves a paternity leave of sorts, and agreed that, after those few months, they wouldtrain in shifts so that they could be present through Nina’s first years. In the end though, only Rin went back to training, Haruka hinting that he might just retire. Rin should have know better.

“O-ok...” He sits down next to Haruka and covers his husband’s hand with his. “Should we look into day care then?”

A few weeks and a dozen visits later, they realise their schedule might not be compatible with standard day care, so they settle for a nanny. They hire a middle aged lady called Scarlett, who has a vast experience and handles Nina like second nature. 

When Haruka goes back to the pool, they get in a routine of early morning cuddles, evening baths and sleepy storytelling. Scarlett brings Nina to see her parents swimming every once a week or so, and, sometimes, they manage to sneak in a break to jump in the community pool and teach Nina her first strokes. Haruka will always brag to the world that his daughter learned to swim before she learned to walk.

 

* * *

 

Many years go by. Nina is on her first year of high school when she attends nationals for the first time. She swims the 100m backstroke with two former olympians on watch. One stands stick-straight and holds a watercolor poster that says “Go Nina!” (and which is so artfully done that would be better appreciated in a gallery). The other wears a “Team Nina” printed t-shirt and shouts his lungs out. She finds them both unbearably mortifying, but waves at them when she returns from the podium ceremony, sporting a shiny silver medal, because it would be even more unbearable to see them less than crazy happy - the way she’s always known them.

As she rejoins her team in the stands, a boy that she vaguely remembers as part of the school magazine asks her for a quick profile. She considers, finger pressed to her lip, then remembers something that dad-Haruka likes to say to tease dad-Rin, and answers with a grin:

“My name is Nina Matsuoka, I live in Sydney but I’m Japanese. I like to swim, but my dream is to become a doctor and save lives.”

Figuring that the boy is still expecting some other piece of trivia, she adds:

“... and my favorite food is _saba_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It's is my first time writing for a fandom event, so I hope this fits the format.  
> Thanks for reading and happy RinHaru Week!


End file.
